fall

It's November 5th. When did that happen? Fall has passed in a blur of long work days, volunteer events, and never enough sleep. I was promoted at work, which just means I have an appropriate title for the job I do, and I no longer receive overtime pay. I have been averaging 50 hour work weeks, even with hiring more staff for our campus. But, I generally like my job and continue to be thankful that I am working in the field I have my graduate degree in. It's just starting to take a toll on me, mentally and physically. Example: I forgot to put makeup on this morning.

I am trying to find the awesome video from the Lakewood Wine & Craft Beer Festival that I chaired at the end of September, but it seems to have been lost in the internet abyss. It was the first time an event of this kind had been put on in downtown Lakewood, and it was a huge success. It was also a huge undertaking. Meetings in a bar are still meetings and were putting me up to at least 60 hours a week, because I am part of the organization through my job. 

Because of how much I have been working, I have been packing entirely too much into my 1-day weekends, which is making me even more exhausted. I packed a zoo trip, brunch, and dinner into this past Sunday. There was also a 2 hours couch nap in there. I am grouchy and pretty awful to be around at the moment. 

There are some upcoming events that I am really excited about. We are bucking tradition for Thanksgiving this year. It's been a rough few months in my family, and to avoid additional Thanksgiving dinner arguments, my boyfriend just called my mom up and invited my parents to dinner at our house. Problem solved. I am looking forward to cooking a meal for my family, and have been scouring my Martha Stewart magazines for recipes. Two highlights: green bean casserole from scratch, and pumpkin icebox pie. Yum!

Even more exciting than Thanksgiving dinner is our upcoming trip to Europe. I can't believe it's only 40 days away! We will be spending 10 days in Ireland, 1 day in London, and 9 days in Paris. I can't wait. Planning this trip has given me something to look forward to, a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Let the 40 day countdown begin!

Eat your veggies

I have to admit, I am kind of obsessed with the CSA I am participating in this year. CSA stands for community supported agriculture, and typically the deal is that you pay some amount of money up front and then you pick up a "share" of the harvest every week. Every CSA is a little different. Mine is through Central Roots, which is in Cleveland. That's right, Cleveland proper, at the Ohio City Farm. 

There are a few different ways that a CSA can be set up. Ours is one fee, one share, every week for 27 weeks. We get an email each week with information about our share, like what will be included that week, recipes, and storage tips. This means I can plan for a trip to the grocery store right before or after we pick up our share to grab anything I might want to go with the veggies from the share. Our farm is almost all veggies, but they do have a second location that is all fruit trees and bushes. We also typically get one herb each week as well. 

Did I mention that we get fresh produce for 27 weeks in a row? And that it is organic and all from this farm?

The other local option for a CSA here that I have found is much different. You pay a price for your share, as well as a membership fee. You then go online and pick what you want in your share each week, based on how much you paid for your share. While this seems like a cool option, I would bet that there are people who pick the same things every single week. I think that part of the fun of a CSA is figuring out what in the world you are going to do with 2 dozen beets! This option was also shorter and more expensive than Central Roots. 

Speaking of beets, I had never ever eaten a beet before this summer. And I probably wouldn't have tried them if I didn't keep getting them in my share (you can only give away so many beets). Turns out, they are pretty ok. The same with kohlrabi, wheatgrass, swiss chard, and purple beans. 

This week, we are getting salad mix, eggplant, jalapeños, golden beets, Genovese basil, rainbow Swiss chard, heirloom tomatoes, and Easter Egg radishes. I can't wait!

Quiet

It's been quite a while since I have posted on here. I know. 

I have let the stress of my job get the better of me and I am not proud of that. It feels like I am always planning, always rushing, always thinking, moving quickly from one task to the next. There is never enough time, more work and things to do piling up around me. Check-lists and calendars have become overwhelming instead of comforting. 

But last weekend I had my first moment of real peace in months. Sitting on the beach, I let it go. 

Of course, it was gone as soon as the work week began, but it was wonderful while it lasted. 

Here's the thing

Alright. I admit that I am no good at blogging. But I read a fair amount of blogs, and I want to write pretty words about my life too. My thoughts, my dreams, my cats, the weird food I make my poor boyfriend eat and stink up the apartment building with (sorry bacon-for-every-meal dude across the hall). I had this bright idea to come up with a 30 before 30 bucket list. It seems neat, right? Come up with a list of 30 things that you want to accomplish by the time you turn 30. In my case, over the next 2 1/2 years. Most of the lists you can find on other people's blogs include the same big ones: sky diving, travel, get married, run a marathon. So I started writing my list:
1. Paris
2. London
3. earn project management certification
4. host a holiday
5. Boston
6. learn how to bake bread and actually do it
7. no credit card debt
8. reach a healthy weight
9. run a 5k
10. learn how to sew
11. minimize junk
12. get serious about blogging (ha!)
13. knit something that isn't a scarf
14. cut out dairy from diet
15. find a perfect little black dress
16. take a mother/daughter trip
17. touch my toes
18. buy a polaroid/instant camera
19. take all the CLE pictures I have been meaning to
20. ride horses with dad

Maybe it's not such a bad list, but it sent me into an anxiety spiral that has lasted for weeks. Constant, numbing anxiety that only lessened after dragging that same poor boyfriend with a belly full of weird food out of miles-long walks around CLE. I was panicked that my dreams sucked. That I never dreamed big enough. Seeing people writing about starting their own businesses or getting a degree they have always wanted made me think about my life in a really bad way. What if I had stuck with any of the other random careers I wanted when I was younger? Would I be as happy as this lady? Maybe. I have no idea. Am I actually that unhappy now? Maybe. I have no idea. 

And then I panic because I should be happy. I work in a field actually using my degree. My office is next door to a bar, where I have worked out 5 days a week that I can get 50% off. I am planning a HUGE event in Lakewood that I would be super stoked to attend if I wasn't already planning it. I have stupid, hilarious, sweet cats. My poor boyfriend with the belly full of weird food thinks I am pretty great. I have an awesome apartment, with an upstairs, that I am going to be able to watch the filming of the new Captain America movie from. 

I think the anxiety comes from wanting to do something bigger, something amazing. But what's really wrong with what I am doing now? Why should I feel bad about it? The short answer is, I shouldn't. The long answer will hopefully come after my vacation with my mom and grandparents that starts tomorrow. 

Why I don't wear heels to work anymore

Today, a colleague asked me if I feel fulfilled at work. The short answer is yes. I explained that I get to do a bit of everything that I like in the university setting. Recruiting once a month, advising just before the semester starts, working with adult students, planning events, community outreach. Are there things I don't like? Of course. I would rather not spend so much time stacking chairs and moving tables, and I could live with never having to take the garbage out again. 

The long answer is this:

Last summer, I took a job at a brand new branch campus of a large state university. I had heard exciting things about the campus  from colleagues at other universities, and I could walk to the campus from my apartment. I got an interview, and clicked with the director. Even though the position was really for an administrative assistant, I needed out of the job I was in, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to be the second person hired for the location. I still had a grad student mentality, and long hours and more responsibilities sounded like a fun challenge rather than a soul-crushing amount of work. Fast forward 6 months, and my view has changed a bit. 

I went from a 2 sentence job description to literally pages of responsibilities. I went from answering phones to being an academic adviser, recruiter, manager of two additional staff members, secretary of the local merchant association, and photo taker for student ID cards. I really do enjoy all of that. 

I don't like fighting with the bar that will be opening in our building next week. I hate having to clean up after people who rent our space, mostly because I am too short to open the dumpsters easily to throw all of their garbage away. I could do without working 50+ hour weeks because we are open more hours than we we have staff. And I really do not want to move another table. 

So maybe the long answer is yes, this job is fulfilling, but it is also insanely difficult and pays like crap. But the reality is that higher ed is a small field with limited job openings. And I think that the things the university is trying to do are fresh and exciting and I want to be part of it. But I am exhausted. And I spend a lot of time hoping that SOMEONE, ANYONE at the main campus realizes how hard I am working and how much I am contributing to my location. 

But for now, there are overflowing garbage cans that I need to take care of. 

Sometimes...

you have a week where just about anything will make you cry. What got me this week:

Seriously, this movie makes me cry every.single.time. It used to make me cry because I was embarrassed about being a horrible cook and I thought I was a horrible girlfriend (the aspic fight anyone?). Now I think it gets to me because I am inching every closer to 30, which scares the bejesus out of me. Logical? No. But it gets me every time. 

People's blogs, Facebook updates, or Tweets about putting their cat down. That orange monster with the epic belly is my idiot cat Kamikaze. When he meows, it sounds like he's saying "mom" and he likes to sleep with his nose touching mine. Thinking about having to put him down got the waterworks started all over again. 

My boyfriend leaving for the airport. Probably the most pathetic cry of the week. It was pathetic for a few reasons. 1. He was leaving Sunday afternoon and coming home Wednesday night. The shortest trip he's been on in a year. 2. Last March, he went on a trip to Singapore after we had been dating for just a few weeks. And I didn't cry like a baby then. Granted, this could have something to do with the fact that I was traveling for work during that time as well. Or that I was still trying to be a hard-ass and had just gotten over trying to get him to move to Europe. One or the other. 

The weather this week. What a load of crap. 60+ yesterday, 20 and snowing today. We all like to joke about Cleveland weather, and this hilarious t-shirt proves it, but COME ON. 

Here's to a less weepy weekend!

Back to Normal

I am lucky enough to work in a field which I love: higher ed. One of the perks is getting a serious business winter break. I had 14 days off in a row this year. 

The only real problem with winter break is that college offices go full blown crazy when we get back. We have one full week before the new semester starts and people go into panic mode. For me, this meant one week to confirm classes, schedule classrooms on 2 different systems as well as constantly updating a separate list for the Distance Learning Office, fielding phone calls from prospective students, getting placement tests scheduled, facilitating orientation, moving furniture and ordering office supplies for a new faculty office, and dealing with one particularly angry student who informed me multiple times that I was a liar and didn't know how to do my job. Fun!

Now we have made it to Friday morning of the first week of classes. I have already worked 40+ hours and still have a full day to go. Luckily, I have one student that will be coming to one class today, a lunch meeting with my boss, and a three day weekend coming up. 

Highlights from the Holidays: